Hahahahaha...
I'd read Thirty Bullies, Friday Night Lights, Boys of Summer, Heaven Is a Playground, True Fans, Only the Ball Was White, One Great Game: Two Teams, Two Dreams, in the First Ever National Championship High School Football Game, When the Game Stands Tall, Keeping The Faith... I have heard about the Hoosiers, which supposedly has disinterested Indiana guys from a small school winning a state championship. and I want to watch Facing The Giants, which is a story of miracles for a team that didn't win, through prayers and all that stuff, became state champions...
But my favourite book of the moment is the little book 'Where Dreams Die Hard'.
I used to follow football --- to be precise, American Football. I support teams at almost all levels: Detroit Lions of NFC and Oakland Raiders for AFC; Michigan Wolverines for FBS, something like Western Michigan Broncos for FCS... and maybe De La Salle Spartans and Trinity Lions and... and thought they will be all.
No, I didn't think there are six-team football.
I thought football MUST have eleven men and these eleven men must be conditioned and mentally prepared to win. As Vince Lombardi quoted, 'Winning isn't everything. The will to win is the only thing.' We are more familiar with this version 'Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing'. I followed the misquote. I thought I must outcompete everyone to go to the best high school, and maybe blaze myself all the way through the team to beat the living daylights off others... and get into Harvard or Texas.
No.
There's high school football with only six men.
There is a whole new world beyond the dog-eat-dog world in Shanghai, Mumbai and New York.
Small-town, six-man football.
This alone captivates me.
Why, these farm/ranch kids help their parents do work in the summer, play football in the fall (autumn), shoot hoops in winter and play baseball in the spring. They seem to play sports for the fun of it. No competition, few outwitting and outgunning, just plain fun as well as maybe... enjoyment. Warmth. Goodness. Strength. Resolve. Love. Values that we only dream of in the competitive cities.
Well, I think the only thing that I should do is to keep focusing on what I love to do --- for it is what I will live. I will see... I will live my own life and not others.
Edited parts
I want to wear the most expensive shoes (which happen to be Air Jordans), I wanted to carry the most expensive bag (LV for formal uses, Crumpler for informal uses), I also want to wear authentic throwback NFL jerseys; all in the manner just to do one thing: to impress the eyes staring at me in that they want to steal my things in envy. I really want to hide from them through flashy or expensive stuff, the despair and disappointment I have when I cannot do the things the way I want. And yes, I do try to make an effort to impress my friends by hanging out in places where the famous (in my community) always go, like Raffles City (resulting in me hooked in Starbucks for a long while) or Orchard or Suntec. Such low self-esteem did I have.
I am almost there, as from secondary one onwards, I began to scrimp as much as I could to display visible stuff to impress others. I am like a 'Material Boy', as I would admit. Well it all started earlier... as from Secondary One, I know I am somehow discriminated against because of my whatsoever syndrome that I understand. I began to tolerate everything good and bad... :'( Because, really, I haven't found myself.
Then I began to exert myself harder than I can, as I want to enter the best senior high school (actually junior college) that I could! My prelims in secondary school really sucked so much that I got so disappointed, I had to visit the principal so that I want even the 20 (needed for JC admission) and claimed that 'why can't I even go to the worst JC for PAE'?
Of course I sucked so much, my dreams had been daydreams all these while.
All I wanted is nothing but just recognition and assurance that I can stand in my society in future (thinking about that actually I do have this sort of assurance, but only from my parents and not the society, but nevertheless I may be overly paranoid), as well as perhaps the personal space I can have to pursue my own interests at all times.
I didn't lie to some of my friends. In fact I did openly state that I want to be a slacker. Actually, I just want to write and doodle so that I can lead an awesome life in my own definition. Since I have the whatsoever syndrome I don't care about anything about what the society views me... I believe they try to help me but they most probably are too busy to even care (maybe things will change one day?) or that they are themselves labellings fellow humans who are unlike them.
Well, recently there had been some changes that I had.
I realised that due to the economic crisis, shoes (esp. Nike Air Force 25) that used to sell for $277+ (gasp! This is what I saw in Queensway) are now selling for $98 online. It's like a 70% drop in price. How drastic.
I have worn the most expensive hat but the feel sucks. Can't compare with the $20 hat. And the bag I fancy will get dirty easily (like any other bag). And my dream pants are $300+ or $400+... which has no difference with the $3 I have (except maybe holes at the leggings, which I harped on it while bargaining but they're wearable). And leather jackets look yekky. Jerseys even when expensive will still have meshes that will reveal the undershirts.
